The Facts About Domestic Violence


Abuse occurs in one out of every four relationships

43% of critical injuries and child fatalities occur in homes where there is spousal abuse

Abuse touches all ages, races, and socio-economic groups

Parents and caregivers tend to underestimate the extent to which their children have been affected

Every 9 seconds in the U.S. a woman is assaulted and beaten

Children exposed to violence are at a much higher risk of becoming both the victim and perpetrator of violence

80% of all physical abuse goes unreported

More than half of all battered women stay with the abuser because they feel they cannot support themselves or their children alone

Mia

From Brokenness to Happiness
From the depths of despair
when my world fell apart
I felt all alone
and heavy in heart -
My life had been shattered
by a tight-fisted hand
Who could I turn to;
who'd understand?

He made me feel worthless
to the depths of my soul
I was just a possession
for him to control -
Always blaming me
whenever things went wrong
Though physical scars heal
emotional live on.

So with no self-esteem
and in a broken mess
I made a decision
about my happiness -
It took all my courage
that I could find
To make a stand for myself
and leave him behind.

Those first few months
were the loneliest I'd been
But I knew it was worth it
not to be hit again -
And in finding myself
I cried a river of tears
Learning to love me
and facing my fears.

Though the memory remains
but the hurt has gone
My scars have all healed
my emotions live on -
Over four years have passed
since I walked out that door -
No need to look back,
no fear anymore.

This is about my former marriage, both physically and emotionally abusive, and my courage to leave and rebuild my life. It wasn't easy, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Domestic Violence is an attempt by the abuser to maintain power and control over the victim, diminishing the victim's power. It is frequently a learned behavior in the home during childhood . Domestic violence can occur in any intimate relationship. Intimate violence is physical, mental, or emotional abuse against an offspring, partner, sibling, parent, or other family member or intimate partner. The issue of domestic violence was recognized as a serious problem in the mid 1900's by feminists concerned about women abused by their partners. Interpersonal violence is complicated by a lack of knowledge and denial of abuse by society, family the perpetrator, and the victims.Intimate violence is often perpetuated by drug or alcohol use.

http://www.phs2.net/cwi/L3/o1145i.htm

Anderson House - A halfway house for women recovering from alcohol and drug dependency.
Back Hills Guest House for Women, The - Victoria, B.C.
Claire House - Residential program for women and their children , utilizing individual, group and family counseling, as well as exercise, recreational activity, 12-step self-help groups and a structured, disciplined environment. The women and children will receive state-of-the-art care to restructure their lives and live successfully, drug free.
Dorcas House - Tampa Florida based ministry that gives shelter on a temporary basis to women and women with children who have no place to stay because of spousal abuse, women released from jail without a permanent place to stay, and women in transit who are victims of crime and temporarily without money for food and shelter.
Epiphany House - Long Branch, NJ
Hecate House - Newseeland
House of Hope - Santa Ana, CA
Laura's House - Abused women and their children need Laura's House. Committed to ending violence against women. We provide the abused woman and their children with a safe, violent-free shelter, counseling, advocacy, resources and a 24-hour hotline.
Mrs. Wilson's Halfway House for Women - A 14-bed, 12-step, halfway house for recovering women located in Morristown, New Jersey. It is named after the wife of AA's co-founder, Bill Wilson.
Quigley House - Offers safe emergency shelter and support services for women and their children in Clay County Florida and the surrounding areas. The only shelter for battered women and children in Clay County Florida.
Sophia Snow House - A retirement center for women, it is home to 24 elderly women who are enjoying the security, companionship, and convenience of a small-scale assisted living arrangement.




http://www.naplesshelter.org/english/abuse.htm

Shelter for Abused Women & Children
If You Are Abused
24 Hour Crisis Line (239) 775-1101

Actions you may want to consider | In an emergency | Prepare an escape bag
Should you decide to leave your relationship | You may ask an advocate about
Protect yourself at home | Protect yourself outside your home | Be safe at work
Your safety and that of your children and pets need to be your top concern. Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. Abusers are not predictable. Safety planning is complex. Our trained staff can help you.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, it is not your fault. The abuser is responsible. The Shelter staff will listen and support your decisions. There are steps you can take to help end the abuse.

Some actions you may want to consider:
Call the police in an emergency or file a report about the violence.
Call our domestic violence hotline (239) 775-1101 to talk, get information or ideas, find a shelter, or make a safety or escape plan.
Have the abuser ordered by the court to stay away from you by getting an Injunction for Protection.
See a doctor for injuries and ask him/her to write down what caused the injuries.
Talk to a friend, family member, neighbor, clergy, or someone else for support; and ask for help.
Keep a journal in words and photographs.
In an emergency:
If you are at home and are being threatened or attacked, stay away from the kitchen (the abuser can find weapons like knives).
Stay away from bathrooms, closets, or small spaces where the abuser can trap you. Get to a room with an outside door or window to escape.
Get to a room with a telephone to call for help. Lock the abuser outside if you can.
Call 911 right away for help.
If possible, run to a friend's or neighbor's house for help. Take the children with you.
If a police officer comes, tell him/her what happened; and get his/her name and badge number.
Take pictures of bruises and injuries.
Prepare an escape bag:
Prepare a bag, box, or suitcase filled with things you will need if you leave. Keep it in a safe place away from home, if possible. The escape bag is a secret from the abuser or anyone who could tell him you are planning to leave. Place "originals" in the bag except for the items you must have with you or things you can't take without the abuser noticing. Avoid using your purse or car.
Identification (driver's license, passports, green cards, work permits)
Birth certificates for yourself and your children
Social Security cards for yourself and your children
Extra car, house, storage, business, or other keys
Checkbook, ATM card
Credit cards, bank books, etc.
Address book and telephone numbers
Food stamps, Medicaid cards, etc.
Car registration
Car, health, and life insurance papers
School and medical records
Divorce, custody, or injunction papers
Proof of income for partner (check stub)
Home calling card (calls can be traced)
Copies of bills you owe with your partner
Change of clothes
Medicine and prescriptions (extra)
Personal hygiene products (tampons, toothbrushes, deodorant, etc.)
Diapers, formula, toys, blankets
Pictures, jewelry, keepsakes
Abuser's personal information (date of birth, Social Security number, work permit information, place of employment, description of vehicle and license number)
Picture of family which includes abuser
Lease or titles of property
Should you decide to leave your relationship:
Leaving can be very dangerous and should be planned carefully. To speak to a counselor who can help you develop a safe plan to leave, call (239) 775-1101 at any time.

You may ask an advocate about:
What resources are available to you in our community
Help filing your immigration status
How to file for a free injunction for protection
Understanding the judicial process
Support groups and individual counseling
Relocating
Staying at a free emergency domestic abuse shelter or other safe place
Address confidentiality
Social Security number changes
Victim’s compensation
Protect yourself at home:
Learn where to get help. Memorize emergency phone numbers.
Keep a phone in a room you can lock from the inside. If you can, get a cellular phone that you keep with you at all times. Keep it charged, and know blackout areas where the phone will not work.
If the abuser has moved out, change the locks on your doors, and install locks on your windows.
Plan an escape route out of your home, and teach it to your children.
Think about where you would go if you need to escape.
Ask your neighbors to call the police if they see the abuser at your house. Make a signal for them to call the police, for example, if the phone rings twice, a shade is pulled down, or a certain light is on.
Get an unlisted phone number.
Block caller ID (call your phone company for information).
Use an answering machine to screen your calls.
Take a good self-defense course. Carry a noisemaker or personal alarm.
Protect yourself outside your home:
Change regular travel habits, such as riding with others and using different routes.
Shop and bank in different places, particularly away from the abuser.
Cancel any bank accounts or credit cards you shared. Open new accounts at a different bank in your name only.
Keep your court order and emergency numbers with you at all times.
Keep a cell phone with you and program it to speed dial 911 (or other emergency numbers).
If you have to travel to another state for work or to get away from the abuser, take your Injunction for Protection with you. It is valid everywhere in the United States.
Carry noisemakers and/or pepper spray.
Be safe at work:
Ask someone to screen your calls.
Keep a copy of your court order at work.
Give or show a picture of the abuser to security guards and friends where you work.
Tell your supervisors about the abuse. Ask them to help make it harder for the abuser to find you. Have them consider opportunities for changes within the work structure.
Don't go to lunch alone.
Ask a security guard or co-worker to walk you to your car or bus.
If the abuser contacts you at work, save voice mail and e-mail messages.
Locate a well-lighted parking space close to the door.
For information on the relationship between animal cruelty and domestic violence, including how to protect your pets, please visit The Humane Society of the United States website. This link is provided for informational purposes only, the Shelter is not affiliated with The Humane Society of the United States; linking does not imply endorsement of programs or services by either party.

The Shelter's vision is a community without domestic violence so that every home is a safe haven for the family it shelters.
The Shelter's mission is to help adult and child victims and survivors of domestic violence through safety, intervention, and support; to educate the public about domestic violence; and to advocate for social change against domestic violence.
“Breaking the cycle of abuse, building hope...”
Shelter for Abused Women & Children
P.O. Box 10102
Naples, Florida 34101 Questions? Call 239-775-3862
Immokalee Outreach Office: 239-657-5700
Email: Info@naplesshelter.org



ABBA HOUSE-http://www.abbahouse.com/index.php?pageid=1

The Bruised Woman
She stood in front of the mirror
dabbing make-up on her face
She covers up the bruises
and fixes her hair in place ~
She stares at her reflection
with her tear-filled eyes
And pulls herself together
while silently she cries.

She goes into the kitchen
and cleans up the mess
Broken dishes scattered and crushed
like pieces of happiness ~
She sweeps the floor of eggshells
and cleans furniture of glass
She knows as she restores order
this will not be the last.

She quietly fixes dinner
though she winces in pain
She mustn't show how much she hurt
just to set him off again ~
She never stops to think about it
while he's still around
No time to ponder who's to blame
she never makes a sound.

She dreads the time to go to bed
as the clock ticks away
She knows what will come next
and she know she must obey ~
And while he lay there sleeping
she gets up from their bed
She showers to wash away the filth
and to somehow clear her head.

The only time to be herself
in the middle of the night
She can stop to think and cry her tears
in the shadow of the moonlight ~
She wonders what had happened
to change the man she loved?
So full of love and promises
he was all that she dreamed of.

But time told a different story
after a year of wedded bliss
She cries as she remembers
it wasn't mean to be like this ~
She wondered what went wrong
for better or for worse
No flowers, just a broken jaw
to mark their wedded first.

They had so many dreams they shared
so much they had planned
So why does he now shatter them
with his tight-fisted hand?
She knows it will never be the same
every time she looks at him
The memories of love they once shared
are now growing dim.

So as she wipes away her tears
and pulls herself together
She knows that it will never change
it'll be this way forever ~
And as she climbs back into bed
beside the man who now brings her pain
She turns the light out in her soul
knowing he will always do it again.

© Christina
4th March, 2001


"Domestic abuse was very real to me, and since I feel very deeply for all who experience it. This poem was not written about anyone in particular, but rather I have remembered all the abuse, the feelings, the emptiness and hopelessness of my previous marriage and have written about any woman in this situation. For those who are in this situation, this is how it is for them....and it is very lonely"

New Amber Alert GPS Helps Track Kids
http://www.amberalertgps.com

Child Offenders Registry
www.protectyourchild.com

Nearly 500,000 Offenders On File
Get Maps, Photos & Offense Info
www.NationalAlertRegister.com

Worldwide Social Network for Police Officers

Police Pulse
www.policepulse.com

National Organization for Women

Violence Against Women in the United States

MURDER. Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence, the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends. That's approximately 1,400 women a year, according to the FBI. The number of women who have been murdered by their intimate partners is greater than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War.

BATTERING. Although only 572,000 reports of assault by intimates are officially reported to federal officials each year, the most conservative estimates indicate two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year. At least 170,000 of those violent incidents are serious enough to require hospitalization, emergency room care or a doctor's attention.

SEXUAL ASSAULT. Every year approximately 132,000 women report that they have been victims of rape or attempted rape, and more than half of them knew their attackers. It's estimated that two to six times that many women are raped, but do not report it.